New Years Resolution

I have decided.

I did – but it hasn’t been that long since I have so I don’t know if I will stick to it.

I am on vacation – I wake up late.

Today, I woke up at 11, made myself a wonderful breakfast and took care of my other responsibilities.

Then I began looking through my closet and categorizing what does and doesn’t have its own accessories.

I have lots of necklaces and earrings but I need lots of new colors.

So every morning I wore a top that didn’t have a necklace that matched it, I made one.

This past week I made a gorgeous royal blue necklace to a very blue top I was wearing.

I was wearing a light pink turtleneck and I had made a pendant with lots of light pink pearls all hot-glued on to the round disc. (I had initially brought  for earrings but they didn’t look good as earrings – it was a little much, this was perfect- and I got so many compliments on it)

Today I put on a green  cardigan – I already have a necklace to match it – but I need more options I told myself. And put together a super cool necklace with a pattern of 3 different beads. One was so tiny if you breathed too hard it blew away, the other was glass-  medium sized with white green and yellowish swirls running through it, the third was diamond shaped, curved, flat-ish and a transparent shade of green.

So my project is to make a new accessory with every outfit, top, that I own. It will be some project.

But hey – I am on vacation and am free to do whatever I want!!!!:)

Its not only necklaces though. I can make earrings (I have but nothing that was made to match with something in mind), bracelets ( I watched a you-tube on how to make a super cool bracelet out of  paper!!), rings, etc. The options are endless!

I love options!

Such a liberating feeling – no  tests or reports hanging over my head!

My petit fours

The ‘to do’ list on my night table is just getting longer. Occasionally I cross off a few things, but then I usually add other things.

I promised my sister I would make petit fours for her party. But here is the thing I never did it before – and it’s much harder than it looks.

Sunday evening – I made a plain white cake mixture.

I decided to follow directions to the T- it has to be PERFECT.

I am not a perfectionist by any stretch.

Instead of orange extract I put lemon extract.

I also used a ruler-or at least tried to- but then I noticed my squares were far from perfect. I cut more. But the more I cut the more imperfect they became. I didn’t cry just yet. I stopped the cutting while I was ahead. I then dumped the 9×13 in the freezer. I will deal with it tomorrow – I told myself.

Monday morning – I made a frosting mixture. And- gasp- followed the recipe.

I mixed it till it was so smooth like milk.

I dunked the first square by sticking a kabob skewer through the middle and sitting it on wax paper. I stared at it in shock and horror. The frosting– seeped into the cake. I didn’t cry just yet. I realized I needed to thicken – slight problem I couldn’t add any dairy into it.

I googled alternative options for heavy cream: butter and milk, butter and soy milk etc. nothing that would help me.

I looked through my cabinets and found cornstarch. I hoped that would help me. It better not make it taste nasty.

It was too thick- I glopped the whole mixture on the tops of my petit four squares.  I stuck it back in the freezer. Will deal with it tomorrow I assured myself. It will be easy to deal with it then.

Wednesday I woke up (later than I wanted to) and realized I must get to my petit fours. I pulled them out of the freezer.  I looked at them in consternation. I didn’t cry. They weren’t perfect, heck, they weren’t even square. I whipped up frosting. I totally didn’t follow a recipe – following recipes obviously haven’t helped me.   I dunked them in the frosting mixture. I began to seep into the cake. I added more corn starch. Ran out of confectionary sugar. Dunked whatever I had left for dunking – only about 10. Stuck them in the freezer. Now I have to deal with it tomorrow. Oh well. Oh and I am so not buying them. (or so I think!)

Mixed up

I wasn’t even supposed to go to work today. I really wasn’t. But when my boss texted me to come in for two hours – I agreed. I had a first cousins wedding. I responded to his text while leaving college.  Instead of heading home I headed in the direction of work after my practical exam and looked at the time- it was 2:15.

My clock in the car has always been an hour off. I tried to change it more than once but I never managed to figure out how. Especially when I am driving. It’s not even nice to the other drivers on the road.

Every day on the way to work its 2:20 – and I listen to a radio talk show on finances. It’s interesting enough- and I figured I may as well as learn something. I turned off my music and was shocked when an unfamiliar voice began talking, the little bit I tuned into seemed to be an emotional support hotline- kind of show. Not my speed. Not then anyways.  Odd I thought in my head – I guess Dave Ramsey took the day off.  I double checked that it was 710.

I did not think anything of it.

I walked into work and my co-worker was like. “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” I countered kinda confused.

She pointed at the clock. 1:30.

I laughed.

Everyone in the office stared at me.

I turned around and said, “well -I will see you all later.”

I laughed the whole way home.

Silhouettes are going to be my next.

My very next.

When I have time – that is.

I find myself running out of time.

Even for things that I have allotted specific time.

I did promise my clinic that I would do it for them.

So they can hang it on the wall.

It also takes time to dry- about a week.

And I simply don’t have a week.

Especially since I would like to do more than one.

Its so not happening.

I’m currently undergoing the stress.

Called finals.

We will see if I manage to get it all in.

Without turning my hair completely white!

Totally Inborn!

Yesterday was a funny day for me. It began at 11:00 (usually not  a good time to begin a day). My adorable 2-year- old niece was in my room and pointed to a big silver professional looking box.

“Wats dat?” she asked looking at me curiously.

“Makeup. Wanna see?” I said stumbling out of my bed

She nodded, when I opened up the box, her eyes brown eyes opened even bigger. I was not surprised; my makeup collection can do that to people.

“Put on me?” she asked.

“sure- don’t tell mommy.” She nodded again excitedly.

So I began with lipstick, she requested, “more.”

So I applied blush, curled her eyelashes, put mascara on, eye-shadow, and while she still requested more I didn’t want her mom to have difficulty taking her makeup off, so I pretended, dabbed her forehead with a sponge, used a feather brush to tap her nose with and invented ‘more’.

Finally I said, “Okay you are done. Let me see?”

That was when she made the most hilariously cute face, she struck what could be considered a models pose, using a 2-year-olds interpretation, squinting her eyes making a pout.

The girl is two!!

Later when I told my sister how hilarious her daughter was she said, “ I don’t even know where she got that from, she never watches those kinda stuff- I only let her watch educational things,”

“No magazines?”

“Nope- she reads children’s books.”

I couldn’t get over it, where in the world does she get it from, I wondered.

I also noticed she has a very distinct taste, she once admired my sparkling diamond necklace, when I compared it to my younger sisters’ I asked which one she likes better.

“Ummmmmmmmm” she saidthen deciding  she pointed to mine which she liked better ( and no- one was not more sparkly than the other they were both equally sparkly.)

Its totally inborn- there is nothing to talk about.

FOG

The fog

Can create brain fog

Misty whiteness swirling

The mysterious – blanketing

Enveloping everything , everyone

The temperature that gives light caresses

The cold that leaves you feeling refreshingly unseen

Letting it go

Careful- though

Be true to yourself

Self-vacation?!

I like being around people.

Specifically friends.

But my vacation time is coming up.

And slight problem here.

No one I know is available when I am.

I can’t go too far.

I have too many weddings.

But I have to do SOMETHING!

It will be a long time till I have the free time again.

Hypothetically I could go to a hotel with lotsa good books.

And yummy chocolate.

Tons and tons of it.

Spend the morning working out.

Then the rest of the day at a spa.

Then read some more.

Paint a little…

I would like to do it in theory.

But I am afraid I am gonna get bored.

I usually need to be around people.

A Deep Dark Secret

Last night my sister confessed a very deep and dark secret that had been troubling her for a while.

“I can’t study abroad like the rest of you have done,” she began tentatively.

“Why ever not?” I asked not understanding the significance of what she was about to say.

“Promise not to tell?”

“Promise” I said looking up at her for a moment

“ I am insane.”

I smiled at her, “when did you become aware of this insanity?”

“It’s true! I am insane! I am retarded!” It all began to rush out, “An absolute nut-job! I can’t go! I don’t even want to go. I won’t be able to handle it!”

“I see retarded people daily, what kind of retarded?” I asked, putting on my serious-understanding-caring face.

“I get so nervous from situations.”

“okay- but doesn’t everyone?”

“You don’t understand! Like so nervous at times I simply cannot talk, eat, smile… You think I am joking?”

“Absolutely not- I hear you. But don’t you think a year away will be good for your anxiety, you will realize it’s not all that bad… and even manageable!”

“ You are not comprehending  the magnitude of my anxiety…” Then she began to list all of  the times she was severely anxious in the last 24 hours. The more she spoke, the more she had my attention, and the more I realized to the extent she requires therapy.

“I think you should come to my clinic and speak to someone about it.”

“Oh no- I won’t! And you promised you wont tell anyone.”

“But honey, you don’t realize that right now you are still in high school, dealing with small high school problems and you are a basket case, it’s not going to get better. Just because you don’t end up going to another country, for a year! Look at me – I get stressed from college, and work -sometimes and in high school I was as chilled as they come.”

“You promised.”

“You are right, I did. Do it for yourself though. Because deep down you really want to be calm and relaxed, plus  the extent you are anxious simply isn’t normal.

You know what happens when a rubber band is stretched too tight? It snaps!”

“Too bad” She said.

“On you!” I countered.

This conversation left me feeling a little helpless, I wonder what therapists feel  for such scenarios. Probably as drained as I did. Because there is simply nothing I could do.