Dried Gourds

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As of the latest arts and crafts ideas have been varied but nothing awesomely-amazing, nothing awe-inspiring and nothing remotely magical popped into my head.

It was for that unfortunate reason I did a decent craft with buttons on canvas but that was it.

There was nothing that grabbed my interest enough, for me to get off chair.

(And note this is referring to a CRAFT idea- nothing else- that means it excludes this mornings routine of doing 35 jumping-jacks on my bed(mom do not look at this sentence please) and jumping rope 50 times. As well as, creating a recipe which includes ingredients the average individual never heard of – so healthy your stomach hurts by just looking at it! Don’t worry it wasn’t for me 😉

Then I was searching through various articles and found an interesting one (this was when I was at work- of course – that’s the only time I make any time to read anything besides for silly novels.)

Gourds were the first thing to be used as containers for storage (states the article I read). After drying it out (a process that can take around 3 months) they were then used for storage, bowls, and other exciting stuff. After they utilized it for boring regular things they kind of realized hey- just because it’s functional doesn’t mean it cant be pretty that was when they began decorating it – making it super cool- works of art.

In my head I piped up – ‘hey me too!’

I imagined my mom’s expression when she found various gourds hanging from various light fixtures. I smiled.

I may not have 3 months – I may just have to buy a squash that has been dried already. Its only a little shortcut (but its probably the first practical short-cut I have taken in a while).

Wahoo!! Fellow artists – watch out for some serious competition 😉

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Morning person?

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I promised my sisters I could take them and their friends.

I was being nice cuz it meant I had to wake up early on a Sunday.

Sunday is not the only day I get to sleep late, but it’s usually the only day I can do it guilt free.

They woke me five to 9 – whoops we overslept and now we’re gonna be late.

I grabbed a zip up and threw on a skirt over my pjs.

I waited in the car till they got themselves together.

I hadn’t done anything to be up.

Bad idea, but honestly, I have had worse ones.

Once I was driving I didn’t really need to be so alert – right?

By the first intersection there was a huge accident and I recognized people involved.

I couldn’t go around it all they took up almost both lanes.

The light was green.

It took a couple of seconds, in my tired state, to realize I was going to have to go in the total wrong lane. Unfortunately the bus behind me thought the same thing. He honked and gave me the finger. Yeah I should have looked behind me – next time- I assured myself.

But I was glad he had seen me I mean there was absolutely no room for another accident.

I am so NOT a morning person.

Malaprop – ing

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After going to work, leaving for a class at school, coming back to work, I was totally spent.

A therapist came into my office. “Do you have a one hole type of hole-puncher?” he asked.

I handed him a stapler. “Here you go!”

He looked at me stupidly. “A hole puncher?”

I nodded still handing it to him.

There was no delicate way to say this, “That’s a stapler.”

“Oh.”

It was odd because I heard him, but my mind just didn’t get it.

It’s like when you say something that you do not mean. It can get a little embarrassing even, especially when you aren’t even close.

“Hi- You left your shoe on my desk? – oh whoops I meant -can I have the clipboard?”

It leaves everyone wondering if English is your first language, or if you are all there- like what are you on?

The nicer of the bunch will just assume you haven’t slept much.

Anxiety Ridden Road Test

Before we left I asked her, “You have the address- right?”

“No- but I am pretty sure I know where it is.”

“Do you have the number to call in case we get lost?”

“No”

And before I knew it we were on the way. I typed into the GPS the city but that was it.

We began the trip to my younger sisters road test.

She was an absolute nervous wreck and she claims she knows directions and maybe she does, but not when she is nervous (which is most of the time).

When she said we needed to go off the wrong exit (which I overruled and explained we are going according to the English woman -on the GPS)

Then we arrived in the city but we had no clue where to go and then she realized she did not know where to go after all.

I alternated between being calm, steady, deadpan; to being frustrated, annoyed and a little angry she didn’t listen to me.

“Oh no they will fail me for practicing in the driving area”

“Breathe- inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth” I told her.

She didn’t listen to my attempt at calming her; she began the slow shallow breaths very close to hyperventilation.

“Breathe- inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth” I repeated- in a calming yoga instructor voice.

She looked around panicky

After circling for long enough we figured out where to go (thankfully they had a sign…)

Breathe- inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth” I repeated peacefully.

The instructor came by – asked me for my license I gave it to her.

“Have a fun time” I chirped to my sister cheerfully.

She looked shocked that I could suggest such a thing.

When I saw her 15 minutes later the smile on her face told all.

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I have painted

Each one symbolizes something

Although when I have asked

No one seems to understand what I mean

Until I explain

Only then do they say

Oh I get it

But how could they if they needed me to explain it

Maybe only the artist truly understands the deeper and more significant meanings

Like maybe the author only understands the true and meaningful point made

Clearly the creator only understands the real plans

I killed him

I was shocked.

It’s kinda his fault anyway I mean he ran into the street.

I tried convincing myself.

I was not convinced.

My mind kept rewinding – back to the thump of his little body under my tires.

What an awful way to die, he was probably young and had his whole life ahead of him.

Well he was chasing a bird into the street.

I tried convincing myself.

I was not convinced.

My brain kept on showing his little gray furry image lying on his back, paws up… and the blood!

The poor little squirrel.

I wish I wasn’t running off to work.

Then I would at least bury it.

I felt rotten the entire day.

I am having a panic attack

I informed everyone at my brother’s b-day party, in a calm voice.

My throat felt like it was constricting and I was having difficulty breathing, my heart felt like it was beating wrong.

“What are you panicking about,” mom asked concerned.

“Nothing that I am aware of.”

“I must be panicking because I have nothing to panic about.”

“Probably.”

I explained my symptoms.

My father asked if I just had a huge, intense coffee.

“Nope- I said, I haven’t had one all day.”

Did you eat anything different? An energy drink or something?

“No” I said.

Then I realized I had tried a new kind of chocolate – an 82% cocao chocolate bar.

It tasted like the really healthy kind. I have eaten high percentage cocoa chocolate in the past other types – I am weird and love that kind.

“It’s a caffeine rush.”  My father informed me.

“Have some magnesium.”