A hard call

The internal struggle raged on.

I simply could not decide what to do.

I had accepted a position as coordinator of a special needs weekend retreat where I would be the one running the show. This included the food the other staff as well as speaking to the parents etc. It was a big responsibility and before jumping into a job like this I requested a one month period to see whether it would work out. After then I would commit if it was working out well and to my liking. This weekend thing was every other weekend. So I had two weekends to see if it would work.

Should I or not?

First weekend was absolutely disastrous, but I was aware that it was a first. Plus all beginnings are hard.

Should I or not?!

The second weekend I could not get staff. After finalizing with the few staff I had, one cancelled, and I had to start the search again.

My wonderful co-worker explained to me that I don’t owe anyone anything.

It was nice to put it into perspective.

So should I or should I not?

The supervisor (who was not on premises throughout the weekend) was super nice and explained that he had to send one of the harder children again because of a situation at home.

He had been the most difficult.

“Okay” I said sweetly, “then this is the final one I will be doing, it is too rough. My schedule is,” I explained.

I just began school again, and one of the volunteers canceled on me last minute, I simply would not enjoy this juggling act this upcoming semester.  My grades would suffer.

I anyways have another job, and of course, I reminded myself. Money isn’t everything.

I should not!

I knew I made the right choice when after informing him of this decision. I hung up (okay a little abruptly) and felt a huge weight roll off my shoulders.

I was glad my father did not say I told you so. When I asked him initially he did not think it was a good idea.

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2 comments on “A hard call

  1. Ahh the one thing that always plagues optimistic people. Doubt seems to be something that EVERYONE struggles with, perhaps it’s the dark to our light in humans. Having doubt is a good thing, it helps you play devil’s advocate in your head. My take is to search your heart and mind. When I say your mind I don’t mean where the doubt is coming from, listen to the rational fact based mind. What evidence do you see in the real world to support or deny what you feel in your heart.
    Additionally if you spent even just two days there, and everyone keeps telling you it’s ok, I hear “it’s ok it’s not that you did anything wrong, this kind of stuff happens all the time!” If it was something stressful, your staff probably would feel bad about canceling last minute, and would probably call and apologize profusely. If you didn’t see that , it could have been a sign also. Either way sounds like you made the right decision for you. I’d say don’t beat yourself up too much, but I’m guilty of the same, saying not to do it is soo much easier than to actually do it.
    Oh to have a better understanding of what I mean about aligning your heart and mind, check out my previous post @: http://vancemontague.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/new-year-resol…-the-best-idea/

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